


What I didn't Know I Needed

by SongandSmith (Ls2103cp)



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2020-12-22 20:00:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21082262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ls2103cp/pseuds/SongandSmith
Summary: The Thirteenth Doctor is off exploring the universe with her new fam when a blast from the past in the form of her wife, River Song, makes her question everything she thought she wanted from this new regeneration.





	1. This Never Goes Well In Movies

**Author's Note:**

> Planning on this being a long one, just didn't know exactly where to end this first chapter.

“No Yaz,” the Doctor yelled over the alarm, “that button there!”

Yaz hit the stabilizers and the shrieking alarm stopped.

The Doctor smiled, “See, there we are,” Graham and Ryan picked themselves off the Tardis’ floor, “let’s go see who sent that distress call.”

“This never ends well in movies,” Graham said, shaking his head. The loud mechanical sounds of life support kicking in on the ship were followed by sickly green lights kicking on.

Ryan whistled, “This didn’t come out of Portsmouth.”

The Doctor looked around, “No, it’s old. 54th century.”

Yaz chuckled, “Since when is the 54th century old?”

“Since whenever we are. Look at this,” the Doctor pointed to a partially closed hatch door, soniced it, “this thing is falling apart,” pieces of the door came away in her hand as she touched it. She dusted her hands off on her jacket then stood, “Right, whoever or whatever is here has been here a very long time.” “Yaz, you and Graham see what you can find, Ryan and I will try to get to the flight deck.”

“Splitting up also never turns out well,” Graham chided but caught Yaz’s eye and nodded his head towards the door, “guess we go this way.”

* * *

Ambient blue lighting lit the low ceilinged room as Ryan and the Doctor entered. “Cool lab,” Ryan said as his fingers skimmed the instruments on the tables, “what do you think all this is for?” He asked the Doctor as he picked up a round metal object.

“Nothing good,” she ventured, but the Doctor wasn’t really listening; she was walking slowly towards a dark glass tank as if being pulled. She’d felt uneasy since they’d boarded the ship and the feeling had only grown the longer they’d been there. Her hand instinctively went to the glass, “Ryan? Do you see a switch for it anywhere? Can’t see a thing.” For unknown reasons, there was panic in her hearts.

“Yeah,” Ryan said as he went round the side of the tank, “got it,” he flipped the switch.

The Doctor stepped back and whispered, “No.” Copper hair fanned out around a face, a nude woman, suspended in the glowing liquid. And then an alarm sounded.

The alarm was blaring, “System failure imminent!”

“Doctor!” Ryan was pulling on her coat, “We have to go, NOW!”

The Doctor spun on him, “I’m not leaving my wife!”

Ryan’s eyes went big, “You’re wife?”

The Doctor ignored Ryan, instead was panicking, keying in numbers, sonicing, begging the pod to open. “You’re not doing this to me again River!” She shouted at the comatose figure.

“Doctor!” Ryan yelled, “Move!” The Doctor looked up and had just enough time to see Ryan swinging a large pipe at the glass enclosure. Dark liquid spilled in a gush from the tank, depositing River, still unconscious at the Doctor’s feet.

“River!” The Doctor was kneeling beside her, cradling her head in her lap, shaking her, trying to wake the figure of her long presumed dead wife.

“Ryan, help me!” Ryan was stunned; he’d never seen the Doctor look frightened, but she did now.

“Right,” he said and moved to kneel beside the two women. At that moment, River’s body convulsed and the Doctor rolled her just as she retched up a gout of the foul dark liquid. River’s eyes fluttered open and she struggled to her hands and knees; disoriented.

The alarm was still going, broadcasting their impending doom. The Doctor threw her coat around River’s naked form, “No time for proper introductions! It’s me!” The Doctor whispered into River’s ear, and Ryan saw the woman’s eyes grow large as her mouth fell open in shock. The Doctor reached for River’s hand, “Are we good now?” River’s head nodded in stunned silence as she retched up more fluid; her instincts kicked in. She had to get up, had to run. She grasped the Doctor’s outstretched hand and let the Timelord pull her up, and then they ran.

Yaz and Graham were waiting in front of the Tardis. Graham’s hands shot out in question as he saw the Doctor pulling at a dripping wet, practically nude woman.

Ryan shook his head, “Later.”

* * *

The Doctor stood at the console, trying very hard to be distracted by inputting coordinates and fiddling with, she hoped, inactive buttons; anything to avoid the woman claiming to be her dead wife. Ryan was holding River up as she was still unsteady on her feet, “I’m going to be sick!” She said, barely managing to disengage from Ryan and puke in a corner. Ryan, Yaz and Graham looked to the Doctor, but she was ignoring them; ignoring River.

Yaz went to help River. Finally, Ryan spoke up, “Doctor?” The Doctor closed her eyes, tried to calm her mind, before turning. Ryan continued, “What should we do with her?”

“Med-bay,” the Doctor responded flatly.

“There’s a med-bay?” Graham sounded surprised.

“I’d rather a hot bath sweetie. Perhaps some tea,” River interjected weakly.

“There’s a bathtub?” Asked Yaz.

The Doctor took one of River’s arms and helped Yaz pull her from the floor, “Med-bay first.”

* * *

They were in the med-bay of the Tardis, just River and the Doctor. “You don’t trust me,” River looked like a wounded child, huddled there in the Doctor’s jacket, “it’s been a long time since you looked at me like that.”

_Please, please,_ the Doctor was thinking, _Please be my River!_ But she was scared, so scared that this was a trick; that should she dare to hope, dare to let that wall come down again, if the woman in front of her was anything less than the genuine article, well, she didn’t think she could go through that kind of loss again. So, until she knew for certain that River was her River, the Doctor wasn’t taking any chances with her hearts. Or, so she told herself. “I know,” the Doctor said softly, “and I’m sorry, but trust me, ok?”

A ghost of a smile appeared on River’s mouth, “Always,” she said and held out her arm, “but why the blood test? Like you haven’t been scanning me since I came on board?”

The Doctor looked away, “I didn’t want to be intrusive.”

“Oh,” River was completely taken aback, “well, that’s certainly new,” she smiled again at her wife, “but something I could very much get used to.”

“I mean,” the Doctor started, “could we do just a quick one?”

“And you’re back,” River laughed, “fun while it lasted.”

“River, I saw you die. You just,” the Doctor threw her hands up, “you just can’t be you, all right!”

“But I am sweetie,” River purred and put a hand gently on the Doctor’s arm; the Doctor was not the smallest bit upset by the pleasurable thrill the touch sent coursing through her. “I told you it was a flesh avatar! The surge must have burned up the remains!”

“That was something that could have been said you know! I’m not really me, just an avatar, I’ll ring you when I’m back in my own body!” The Doctor retorted.

“Didn’t think I’d survive, what was the use? Shock like that should have killed me, even if it was just my consciousness connected.”

“Exactly! Then how did you survive? And for this long? That ship looked like it’d been abandoned centuries ago.”

“I don’t know! I told you I don’t remember anything after The Library! Not until I saw you standing over me telling me to run!”

“And now with the ship gone, I guess we’ll never know,” the Doctor said, clearly agitated, “very convenient!”

“Does it really matter how I’m here? Can’t you just be happy that I am?” River asked sadly, even as she said it though, she knew the Doctor too well, knew she could never just let anything be.

The Doctor had found a vein and was taking a vial of blood, “Of course I’m happy, you know I am.”

River scoffed, “Do I? You’ve barely been able to look at me. You basically pawned me off on your companions. If not for them I’d probably still be laying in a puddle of my own vomit in the console room!” Nothing. The Doctor had gone silent as she stared at River’s test results.

River rolled her eyes, “What? Am I actually a Dalek?”

“You’re you,” The Doctor breathed quietly, “and you’re pregnant.”

River sighed, “Thought I might be.”

“Why wouldn’t you have told me?” The Doctor yelled.

River rounded on her, “Told you that I thought I may be pregnant while you were cuffed to that pole? Oh, by the way, I’m pregnant, but hey, doesn’t really matter because if I let you sacrifice yourself here instead of me, we won’t meet in the first place, so never mind about being pregnant!”

The Doctor’s finger was already pointed in anticipation of a retort, but the words died in her throat, her lips pursed, “You have a point,” she admitted. It was River’s turn to be surprised, the last regeneration had been the first Doctor she’d encountered to have the ability to admit when he was wrong, at least to her, but, it had never been without some teasing, or a good row. This Doctor it seemed, could just realize she’d made a mistake and move on. It had been a very long time since River had had a wife, this was going to take some re-wiring of her expectations.

She sat back down on the med-bay cot, “Right,” River sighed, trying to regain her composure; get her adrenaline settled, “so, I’ve been in suspended animation or the like for who knows really how long, I’m pregnant, and I’ve a whole new you to figure out. Delightful.”

The Doctor took a seat beside her wife, not daring to look at her, not wanting to see the rejection she thought she may. “Right,” she echoed. “I’m sure I’m a disappointment.” She was trying to keep her voice steady. For her, River had been gone for a very long time.

Her last regeneration had mourned the loss of his wife as deeply and completely as could be done; kept a picture of River with him always, slept, when he did, in their room on the Tardis, ran his hands over her favorite clothes and wept when they no longer smelled of her. This one though, well, she’d felt brand new; a woman without a past and the whole of time and space before her. But, she did have a past, and that past was sitting right next to her, carrying a very real reminder of her old self in the form of their, his, hers? The Doctor wasn’t sure who to grant parentage of this unborn child River was carrying, but she did know that all of sudden, her past had caught right back up to her as it always did. She wasn’t entirely sure she was happy about it. Happy about River, obviously, at least, that she still existed, though the Doctor figured, in the strangeness of time and space in which she existed, River would always exist. But, with a child and a wife, could this new un-tethered existence still be possible?

She felt River’s hand reach for hers, “Look at me,” the Doctor braced and her eyes met her wife’s, “I miss him, you,” River corrected herself, “I don’t really know you yet, but disappointed is the furthest thing from what I am. I have to admit, I’m more scared you’re disappointed by me. You’re this bright young thing, all shiny and new.”

“But I’m not,” the Doctor interjected.

River shook her head, “But you are,” her hand went to the Doctor's blonde hair, tucking a strand behind her ear, “this regeneration is different, and here I show up,” she scoffed, “pregnant no less,” she swallowed hard, holding back tears, “it’s alright, not to want me anymore.”

The Doctor bowed her head, “No, it’s not,” she said softly, “but I don’t know what I want.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More angst onboard the Tardis

Very rarely did River Song not know what to do, but right now was one of those times. Despite having been asleep for a few centuries, she was exhausted, mentally and physically: The anger that had always been her default emotion, wasn’t even there. Her heart was on the verge of shattering into a thousand pieces, and she was still naked and shivering beneath her wife’s flimsy jacket.

The Doctor’s last regeneration would have known how to comfort her; pull her close, let her lay her head on his shoulder, and let her have the good, racking cry she needed to have; more than one velvet coat had been ruined in just such a way, not that he ever gave any sign that it bothered him in the least. No, instead, he would have wrapped her safely in his arms and known that any comfort he might give the woman he loved would never be enough to make up for the hurt he had caused her, but would hope it counted for something.

River was just, sad. The woman sitting next to her, River knew, still barely knew herself, much less how to handle a wife on the verge of a breakdown. She took a deep breath then stood, clutching the jacket around her, “I think I’ll take that bath now,” she said. She was so very tempted to ask the Doctor to join her, sex, being her other default setting, but she knew they weren’t there yet, or if they’d ever be again.

The Doctor shook herself from her own thoughts and stood, holding out a hand, “Let me help you.”

River gave her an indulgent, almost sad smile, before turning, “I know the way, thanks,” she said, and without a backward glance, left the Doctor to her own confused introspection.

* * *

Soothing ambient tones and soft blue lights welcomed River into the familiar shelter of she and the Doctor’s bedroom. Above her, through the clear ceiling, the universe swirled out into forever as the song of the Tardis herself thrummed against River’s bare toes. Her fingers ran over the ornate carvings of the headboard of their bed; swirling Gallifreyan amongst medieval knots and snarling dragons. Her jumble of unread and half read books were still stacked on her bedside table, waiting for her to read, and she guessed correctly that were she to open the wardrobe that led to her bigger on the inside closet, her clothes would still all be hanging neatly in place.

Her writing desk still sat in the corner of the room. A gasping sob escaped her as her eyes fixed on the faded blue binding of the ancient diary unopened on it. He had gone back for it; gone back for her, or what he could have of her. He hadn’t forgotten.

* * *

As she entered the bathroom, she lowered the lights to an even duller glow; she had no desire to see her assuredly bedraggled appearance in the large mirrors opposite the incandescent quartz tub. What must her wife think of her indeed, she wondered. River shrugged out of the unfamiliar jacket, back to the "stupid clothes", and threw it over a chair; her Doctor had loved to sit in that chair and comb his hands through her damp curls; let them slip slowly through his long fingers. _He’s gone_, she reminded herself, _best not to dwell_. Her fingers swiped away the tears that had begun to slowly brim forth, then sighed as she gingerly lowered herself into the steaming water. _They’re all gone._

* * *

The Doctor couldn’t stop, couldn’t, because if she did, if she had for one moment since her regeneration, then she would think, and if she thought, she would feel; feel the terrible, what should have been the unbearable loss of it all. But, the Doctor had borne it. She felt the tightness in her chest and heard the pounding of her hearts in her head. _No! No, damn it! I was having a good run! Just me and the fam mucking about the universe, nothing dire, not really. Why now? I was happy, wasn’t I? _

“Doctor?” Ryan’s voice caught her off-guard as she rounded the corner to the console room.

“Oh!” She had forgotten entirely that Ryan, Yaz and Graham were still onboard.

“How’s she doing?” Ryan asked.

The Doctor gave a dismissive shake of her head, “Fine,” her head continued to pound, “we’re totally fine.”

“We?” Graham questioned, shooting a look at Ryan and Yaz.

“What?” The Doctor snapped back, “Right, sorry,” she pinched the bridge of her nose, “bit distracted, clearly.”

They’d never seen the Doctor like this; Yaz wanted to give her a hug, at the very least, a shoulder squeeze like she was just another of her girlfriends dealing with a relationship issue. That’s what it felt like, but this was The Doctor, she wasn’t even human, what in the hell did they really know about what made her tick. Their relationship with her so far had mostly been running about in a state of semi manic chaos. It had been exciting and grand for sure, but at the end of the day, now that Yaz gave it real thought, how much of the Doctor they saw, was the real thing? Instead of a hug, Yaz said, “Maybe it’d be best if, for the moment, you dropped us at home?”

The Doctor was about to vehemently protest, she had no idea what to do on an empty Tardis with her wife, when the cloister bells sounded. Her hearts sank, _River!_

* * *

“Get her into the tank!” It was a male voice shouting.

“She’s dead!” Another voice.

“Not until I say so!”

* * *

“River! River! You’re on the Tardis! You’re safe!” The Doctor had reached the bathroom only to find her wife unmoving beneath the overflowing water of the tub. The Doctor didn’t know how long River had been under the water before she managed to pull her out, but once on the floor, it wasn’t long before she began sputtering and striking out. The Doctor was holding her down, trying to calm her but River continued to struggle, “Love, it’s me,” the Doctor whispered as she cradled her wife’s head in her lap, “I’ve got you.” The other woman’s eyes opened and fixed on hers, seeming to calm a bit, “I’ve got you.” God, she hoped River believed her! She’d been just a fucking idiot in the last few hours she’d known her wife was alive.

* * *

“I don’t know what happened!” River shouted angrily at the Doctor. “I must have dozed off, I’m fine!” She lied, not ready to discuss the vision or memory she had had. River took the proffered towel from Yaz and stood, wrapping it around herself. She wanted to add an angry, _Like you even care_, to the Doctor but stopped herself; River had seen the concern, the care, the fear in the Doctor’s eyes as she’d come to, both on that ship and again just now. It was just bad timing as always, but letting her defenses down, even with the Doctor, had never been easy for her. River turned from the group, from the Doctor, bracing herself against the vanity, head hung, eyes squeezed tight, “Please,” she said, “just go.”

It was then that the Doctor finally realized just how fragile the being in front of her was. Her River, no, she thought, _His_ River had been so vibrant, so strong; she bore little resemblance to the emaciated, dispirited creature before her, and it broke her hearts to think she was the cause of this transformation. The man she’d been would have shouted his wife’s name to the stars in joy; would have held her in his arms and kissed her until the air gave out in his lungs. River would have known she was loved and wanted.

The others had made a discreet exit, but the Doctor remained, “I’m not going anywhere,” she whispered and reached for River’s hand.

River turned and slapped her, “Get out,” she snarled.


	3. Night Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little fluff as River and the Doctor make up.

The Doctor nodded, taking the stinging blow stoically, “I’ll be here when you’re ready,” she said and turned to leave.

River caught her wrist, spinning her round and pulling the Doctor to her. The Doctor made a surprised gasp, quickly quieted by River’s mouth on hers. River’s arms were around her, holding her tightly against her, and then, they released her. The Doctor tasted the salt from her wife’s tears as the other woman pulled away and caught at her shoulder. “Please don’t leave me,” River sobbed, tears running down her face.

The Doctor brushed at her wife’s tears, and took River’s face in her hands, “I know I’ve been rubbish. I know I’ve been a bloody idiot,” her voice was heavy with her own unshed tears, “But I’m not going anywhere,” she repeated and meant it.

River collapsed in relief into the smaller woman’s embrace, burying her head in the crook of her neck, “I love you,” she blubbered.

“And I you,” the Doctor whispered into wet curls, _I just don’t know how to show it yet,_ she thought. “Now, let’s get you into bed, you need to rest.”

River raised her head and smiled, “So close to the perfect sentence.”

The Doctor felt a strange sensation and a pleasurable tightening in her stomach, “I know,” she grinned back, “and now we have all the time in the universe. But for right now, you need to sleep,” she saw River stiffen at that and made a mental note to come back to it later, “I promise I’ll be here when you wake up.”

River reached for her hand, “Will you stay with me, while I fall asleep?”

Despite the pleasure River’s touch was sending through her, the Doctor hesitated. This was an entirely new body, new everything; a body she was still very much trying to get used to herself without trying to impress or please or even comfort someone else. Still though, this was River, this was her wife, how could she say no. She gave her wife a tight-lipped smile and nod, “Course I will,” she said, giving River’s hand what she hoped was a reassuring squeeze and following as she was led toward the massive ancient bed. “Um,” the Doctor started as River dropped her towel to the ground, leaving her nude, still holding the Doctor’s hand, “would you like me to find you something to put on? You must be cold,” she said nervously.

River let go of her wife’s hand and slid into the bed, groaning in exhausted relief as the heat from the bed enveloped her. “No need dear,” she replied and patted the spot beside her, “the old girl has me covered.”

The Doctor didn’t know what to do, she knew she was attracted to River, understood her body’s response was a positive one, but couldn’t make a move towards the bed and her very naked wife.

River laughed when she realized the Doctor’s confusion, “Don’t worry darling, I’m in no shape to infringe upon your virtue.”

The Doctor smiled nervously, “Ha, right, sorry, I just...”

River interrupted, “You just expect me to be me. Well, right now I’m too damn tired to be me. Right now, I’m just your wife, who is exhausted and needs a night light in the form of her wife by her side. So, kick off those boots and get in here.”

Hurriedly, the Doctor managed to get herself out of her boots and, still clothed, scoot her body close to but not touching River’s. “How’s this?” She asked, not sure exactly what River wanted or needed. River had rolled onto her side with her back to her wife. She had expected to feel the Doctor’s warmth tight against her own; feel an arm protectively around her waist, a chin in the crook of her neck.

Instead, the Doctor was laying a handbreadth from her. _Just be patient_, she told herself, _this one is so new, so unsure of herself. Just be patient._ “It’s good my love, goodnight.”

“Night,” the Doctor said, snapping to turn out the lights.

* * *

The Doctor woke a few hours later with the lighter than normal weight of her wife atop her. River was snoring softly, mouth open and drooling onto the Doctor’s t-shirt. She smiled down at the cherished sight of her cold-blooded assassin, so completely peaceful and unguarded; a sight she would never tire of. She made to stroke River’s hair, but instantly realized there was no getting through the snarls and tangles in the mop of auburn hair. Instead, she took the moment to study her wife, to note the changes since they’d said their goodbyes in the morning light of Darillium. The Doctor wondered how much time had lain between that last morning and River’s trip to The Library. In their twenty-four years on Darillium River had gone through a half dozen hair colors and styles, lengths, etc. She’d finally made good on her threat to bring her age down, the Doctor had gathered, just to annoy him; he’d loved every line and crease, always had. But she had never looked like this, so frail and unkempt. There were many things in the Doctor’s life she wished she could forget, but that first time she had met River Song was not one of them. Every moment of their time in The Library together was seared into her brain; River hadn’t looked like this when she’d died, or when the Doctor thought she had. Just what in the hell had happened to her wife on that ship?

* * *

When River woke three days later, the Doctor was indeed still there; asleep, curled beneath a blanket in the deep chaise lounge that had been River’s favorite reading spot. Beside the bed was a tray of blueberry scones and tea; heaven. She quietly poured herself some tea, sipping at it intermittently as she devoured three scones, before she slipped from the bed and across to her closet.

The doors of the wardrobe opened without a sound and River found herself pushing aside her leathers and tactical gear in search of something cozy. Her heart stuck in her throat as her eyes spied the faded wine colored hoodie she’d nicked from the Doctor’s previous regeneration. She smiled in spite of her sadness as her hands ran over the soft fabric. She’d loved wearing it when they were apart, and even more when they were together; just his ratty old hoodie and some heels. River sighed, it would be some time, if ever, before she wore that hoodie again.

Instead, opted for some tattered jeans and a plush grey sweater. Her hair was a rat’s nest, but something she would have to deal with later; she threw it on top of her head in a messy ponytail and called it a day. There were far more pressing matters to be dealt with, starting with food. She was starving, literally; her clothes hung on her. The scones had done little to take the edge off and had, if anything, only made her hungrier.

“Sweetie?” She nudged at the Doctor’s shoulder.

The Doctor jumped from the chair in a startled panic, causing River to pounce out of the way of her wife’s flailing arms, “Huh?” The Doctor looked around, trying to get her bearings, wiping the drool from her cheek, “What? Are you alright?”

River laughed, “I’m fine, just hungry, eating for two, remember.”

“I do!” The Doctor said, “Yes, food. You didn’t like the scones?” _God, had she gotten it wrong! Was it blueberry River hated and lemon ones she loved?_

“They were lovely,” River said, placing an encouraging hand on the Doctor’s arm, “I’m just still hungry, I promise.”

“Ok,” the Doctor said, relieved that at least she’d gotten one thing right. “And,” she said, “just to be entirely honest, I did a scan while you were asleep.”

“Course you did,” River smiled, “and? All’s well I’m assuming.”

The Doctor’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, “As far as I can tell, you and,” she pointed at River’s stomach, “the baby, are totally fine.”

River’s brows raised, “Far as you can tell?”

“Hasn’t been a Timelord pregnancy like this in a very long time.”

“And you’re totally freaking out,” River said.

The Doctor nodded, “Yep, I’m totally freaking out.”

River nudged her with her hip, “Me too,” she winked, and the Doctor couldn’t help but nervously grin back as she saw the familiar old mischievousness come back into her wife’s eyes. For the moment, it seemed like everything might just be ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please keep the comments coming! I've loved hearing from you about where you want this story to go.


	4. Water Under The Bridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor tries to forgive herself and just a wee bit of smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. I blame 13 and River, they started walking down a hall and before I knew it, there was flirting and a chapter and an unexpected plot point.

“So,” River started as they meandered down the decidedly quiet Tardis halls, “where are your companions?”

“My fam,” the Doctor blurted, “I call them my fam.” River kept walking but the Doctor could feel her wife’s raised brow without even looking, “I had a bit of a rough go, I guess, after…”

“After you knowingly sent me to my death?”

The Doctor stopped, couldn’t meet River’s eyes, “I didn’t know any other way, I swear.”

“Stop,” River tilted the blonde’s chin up, the Doctor’s eyes were glassy as they met hers, “If that is what had to happen for us to happen, for all of it, then I’d do it again tomorrow. I told you, not one line rewritten, and I meant it. And, I don’t want it to be something hanging out there between us. Do you understand?”

The Doctor looked away, how could it not be between them? She’d, he’d, let his wife die; let her just go off knowing what was going to happen and all he’d done was send a damn screwdriver to record his wife’s consciousness for the good that had done either one of them. River’s data ghost had terrified him at first, how she’d managed to get onboard was still beyond her; then, when he’d needed her, a comfort, and then, well to be honest, things had gotten a bit awkward what with the real thing tangled up in his arms and her ghost egging him on.

The Doctor had thought it would be a relief when River’s ghost finally faded, but he’d been wrong, and so terribly lonely. And now, the real thing was back; the Doctor had spent most of the last three days with her wife safe in her arms, but for those three days, the guilt of what she had failed to do had nearly crushed her. Her regeneration had felt like a fresh start, with all that guilt, and loss, and shame behind her. But it hadn’t really been behind her at all; she’d just shoved it down and filled her days with running. Maybe, River was right though; now, with River back, with her safe, the Doctor could finally let go.

She sniffled and wiped at her eyes, shaking her head, “I understand,” she reached for River’s hand, interlacing her fingers with her wife’s. River pulled the Doctor's hand to her lips and placed the softest of kisses to the back of it, then continued towards the galley. “Hell,” a thought struck the Doctor, “I’m going to have to learn how to cook again, aren’t I?”

River laughed, “Well don’t look at me Sweetie! You remember how the last time went.”

The Doctor grinned, “Picking shards of glass out of our hair for a month.”

“I did tell you I couldn’t cook,” River countered.

“Well, you’re just so good at everything else, I thought you were lying.”

“And for once, I wasn’t.”

“No, you really weren’t.”

“If you’ve forgotten how to cook, then where did those scones come from?” River asked as they entered the hominess of the Tardis’ galley, “they were delicious.”

The Doctor’s face scrunched, causing River to snort with laughter; always something new with her Doctor. _Her Doctor_. It was the first time River had thought of the woman beside her in those terms. _Hers_.

“May have sent Yaz out for them,” she made another face.

River tried not to laugh again, “Speaking of, where is everyone? You never did tell me.”

The Doctor was clearly nervous now, “Maybe I wanted you to myself.”

“They made you drop them home so we could have some privacy, didn’t they?” River asked confidently.

“Yes,” the Doctor admitted, “but I’m glad they did.”

River inched forward, barely a breadth between them, pleased by the hitch in her wife’s breath, the pebbling of her nipples beneath the thin t-shirt, “And are you trying to flirt with me now?” She had maneuvered them to a corner, the Doctor’s back coming up against a wall.

At the moment, the Doctor wanted nothing more than River’s hands, and mouth, and body all over hers. This new body of hers was on fire, every bit of her crying out for attention; so different from her previous male bodies.

“How am I doing?” She managed to squeak.

River’s mouth turned up in a wicked grin, “Clearly, I was programmed to be turned on by awkward,” River teased. Three days of rest had done their work on nothing else if not her libido, _The things I’m going to do to you_, she thought, sliding her hand down a yellow brace, fingers grazing a modest breast; fingertips teasing the hem of her wife’s shirt and the toned stomach beneath.

The Doctor groaned at the sensations River’s touch were stirring in her; she felt her own body responding, pulling River even closer, their breasts pressing against each other, River’s knee sliding between her legs as her mouth found River’s.

“Mmm,” River broke away, “you’re a natural honey,” the Doctor grinned at the compliment, “Now,” River said, “get that bloody shirt off!”

The Doctor was all too willing. Her shirt was over her head when she heard a thud. She freed herself and saw River, lying unconscious on the floor.

“River!” The Doctor slapped her face a few times, bringing her round.

“What?” River sputtered.

“You fainted!”

“I’m alright,” she looked around, confused. Her stomach groaned in hunger, “Ugh, ok,” she took the Doctor’s proffered hand and stood, “I’ll take the hint,” another loud gurgling emanated from her, “Darling, I think we’ll have to put the fun on hold for just a bit.”


	5. Can't Fight This Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pizza and fluff. And yes, the title is because I was rocking out to REO Speedwagon!

River was trying her best not to laugh; the Doctor’s fifth attempt at waffles had gone no better than the first. “Darling,” she said, slipping her arms around her wife’s slim waist, propping her chin on the Doctor’s shoulder, “why don’t we just pick something up?” The Tardis’ kitchen smelled like burnt grease and River’s stomach had been growling for an hour; she was bordering on homicidal. If not for an ancient unopened box of Jammie Dodgers which she’d devoured, River would have already flown the Tardis to the nearest Tesco and been done with it.

“I know I can get it!” The Doctor retorted, “Its got to be my ratios,” she said, “or altitude?” Her face scrunched, “Does altitude count in space?”

River was done being indulgent, “Honey,” she said, tilting the Doctor’s face towards hers’, “you have a hangry, pregnant psychopath in a room full of knives.”

The Doctor’s brows raised, “Pizza?” River smiled, “Pizza.”

* * *

“Oh my god!” The Doctor said through a mouthful of cheesy perfection, “I’d forgotten how good this was!” They were soaking up the sun at a table in Sorrento.

River laughed, finishing off her second slice and moving in for a third, “Best in the galaxy!” She took a sip of her Pellegrino and sighed, finally relaxing, “Aren’t those Audrey’s glasses?” She asked.

The Doctor snapped, “I knew I was right!”

River’s mouth opened in shock, “You’d forgotten?” How had the Doctor forgotten that weekend? She’d ended up on top of a piano dueting a bawdy 18th century version of ‘When I Drain The Rosy Bowl’ with Sinatra and the Doctor had, to River’s unending annoyance, married Marilyn Monroe.

The Doctor flinched, “It’s been a rather long time for me. And,” she added, trying to lighten the mood, which had suddenly turned, “you know I’ve given up on figuring out how things end up in my pockets!”

River let it go; she was finally full and dare she think it, happy; she didn’t want this moment to ever end. She grinned broadly then signaled to the waiter, “I think we need dessert.”

A half hour and two slices of tiramisu later, River was trying to suppress the urge to pat her overfull belly, curl into a ball, and fall asleep in the warm glow of an Italian afternoon. But, having been comatose for who knew how long, she had no intention of sleeping any more than was necessary for quite some time. Instead, River grabbed the Doctor’s hand and pulled her up from the table, “Come on, I need a passeggiata.” She linked her arm through the Doctor’s and leaned her head on her wife’s shoulder as they began their stroll.

The familiarity both startled and pleased the Doctor; they’d always taken a turn in the evenings, or what passed for evening, on Darillium, and this sudden show of affection felt like home. She smiled contentedly and kissed the crown of river’s head just as he’d always done; she thought she could feel her wife’s answering smile as they made their way through town.

* * *

“This has been a perfect afternoon,” River said as they looked out over the sea. The sun was setting and the picturesque ruins of a Roman villa were behind them.

As she watched River in the glow of the waning light, chin back, eyes closed, unguarded, the Doctor had to agree. No running, no one trying to kill them; all that was missing was some tea and a crackling fire. She realized suddenly, that all she wanted was to be home, with her wife. “I love you, you know,” the Doctor pronounced loudly as waves crashed against the rocky shore. River’s back was to her still, but she reached out her hand and the Doctor took it, stood beside her, closing her eyes as well, letting the sound of waves and the warmth of her wife’s touch envelop her; center her.

As creeping night stole the last warmth of the day, the Doctor pulled River gently to her, and, sweeping a stray curl from her face, kissed her. It lacked the intensity of their kiss on the Tardis, but none of the heat. It was soft, and sweet, and familiar, and oh so right. River’s body melted against the Doctor’s as the slow kiss deepened, as their arms wound round each other.

“I want to take you home,” the Doctor breathed.

River smiled, “Alright then. Take me home.”

* * *

The Tardis hummed in approval as the pair stumbled through her doors. “This isn’t what I meant,” the Doctor spluttered as River slid her jacket off her and pushed her against the Tardis’ console.

River stopped, blinked in confusion, “Honey, I know I shouldn’t be one to harp on mixed signals…”

The Doctor pulled her jacket back on, “I know, I know,” she said apologetically, “I just,” she looked at the ground, “I just want everything to be perfect for you.”

“Ah,” River smiled in understanding; the Doctor was nervous. She hoped that was all. _Go slow_, she told herself. “Well,” she said, taking a step back to give her wife some space, “How about we go home then. You drive,” she winked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys, at a point where I'm not sure what rating you want from these two? Let me know! Things are going to be happening soon and I know I can't make everyone happy but I'd love some feedback! Thanks!


	6. Going To Give My Heart Away, Leave It For The Other Girls To Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, these two get over themselves and have some fun, not without a bit of angst of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, please, I love the feedback, love, hate, whatever!

“Luna?” River said, surprised by the Doctor’s choice as the Tardis doors opened.

“Home sweet home,” the Doctor beamed, not noticing the flash of sadness, quickly hidden, that crossed River’s features. River didn’t know why she had thought it’d be Darillium, of course it wouldn’t. That place and that time belonged to someone else.

She smiled at the Doctor, “Well, I rather wish I was in a better state, for no other reason than to carry you over the threshold,” she laughed. The Doctor’s confused expression caused her to laugh all the harder, “Bless,” River said and grabbed her wife’s hand, “come on, I’ve missed this place!”

* * *

River had been back to her cottage on Luna only once since she and the Doctor had taken up residence on Darillium. She’d gone to pack up what knick-knacks and clothes she’d wanted to bring with her and to give notice of her “sabbatical” from the University. And that was just where the Doctor had now landed them; one year after River had locked the place up and spent the next twenty-four years on Darillium.

Unlike its neighbors, sleek metal and glass numbers, River’s home on Luna had been brought directly from Old Earth; Scotland, to be exact. It was a very cozy looking, fairytale cottage that was thankfully, bigger on the inside. Though, living here, she assumed with the Doctor was going to be an interesting adventure. She hadn’t built the place for two, much less three; the bigger on the inside only referred to her closet and the massive library, which held not only a very fine book collection, but also her most precious of pilfered artifacts. This had been her home. A place she could be River Song, not the Doctor’s wife. She didn’t have to worry where she threw her coat or leaving a bowl out of place. And yes, in fact that was a piece of very stolen, very famous art above her fireplace, which she had not previously had to rationalize to anyone. She wondered if the Doctor would notice.

She sighed, noting the draped furnishings and the thin layer of dust. The place was going to take a bit of work and some serious baby-proofing.

River felt the Doctor waiting in anticipation behind her; anticipation of what, she wasn’t sure. This interlude had been the second time her romantic inclinations had been put on pause, and she wasn’t sure a third rejection in as many days was something she could stomach. River turned and smiled, “Darling, you remember your way around here?” The Doctor had been known to occasionally pop in on her during the school year, mostly to irritate and interrupt her lectures.

The Doctor’s brows raised, “Um, yep, why?”

“I’d love some tea, and a shower,” River said, heading towards the stairs, “I can’t take this hair another second!” And with that, she disappeared into her bedroom.

The Doctor frowned. She’d rather been hoping to just pick up where they’d left off on the beach, and the Tardis, but then she realized, maybe coming here hadn’t been the best idea. Maybe, she should have just let things go in the Tardis. She was just so nervous about pleasing River in this body and also, she wanted River to know that she didn’t want it to be like it was before Darillium. She wanted River to know that she was here, for her and their child. The idea of being a stable responsible adult again was a concept she’d turned over and over for the three days she’d spent watching over River. Quite frankly, she still wasn't sure exactly how she felt about the notion. 

It wouldn’t be like Gallifrey, she tried to convince herself. That life had been one of duty and commanded service. And River was certainly not like her first wife. That marriage had been an arranged one, an expected condition of someone of the Doctor’s status. Susan had been the one shining light of that existence; a soul as eager for adventure as the Doctor’s own.

The Doctor had reasoned that she and River had made it work on Darillium; the only thing different now was the addition of a child. And that was the sticking point the Doctor kept coming back to. She wondered if River was having the same doubts. Was River waiting for her to say something? Was she worried the Doctor was going to jump back into the Tardis and vanish? Or was it something else? The spark was still there, of that, the Doctor had no doubt, but it felt like River was holding a piece of herself back.

The Doctor closed her eyes and took a breath; nothing to be done for that now, but try and show her wife that she wasn’t going anywhere. She looked around at the home River had created for herself here, one which didn’t include her. She’d always thought of River’s home on Luna as stable and homey, and safe; the perfect place to raise a child she’d believed. Now that the Doctor was paying attention though, she realized she’d been wrong. This wasn’t the cozy home of a settled Professor, but one of an explorer. The furniture under the covers, now removed, were battered, mismatched pieces River had picked up from here and there. What should have been a dining table, was strewn with books and maps, and something that looked suspiciously like a Dead Sea Scroll, and to top it off, the damned Mona Lisa, which had been stolen sometime in the 22nd Century, was hanging over the mantle. Was bringing River here forcing something on her she wasn’t ready for?

* * *

“Doctor?” River’s voice came from the bedroom, “Honey, I can’t get the tele switched on. Can you take a look?”

It had taken the Doctor a good ten minutes to find everything to make a pot of tea, and another ten to figure out the damn stove, sort of; the house may have been seventeenth-century, but the appliances were fifty-second, with entirely too many buttons. She threw her hands up; the blasted tea could wait. River, she knew from experience could not; she mounted the stairs with a shake of her head.

* * *

“River,” the Doctor fiddled with the T.V., everything seemed in working order, “looks like it works to me,” she called over her shoulder. She caught a reflected movement from behind her. Her sonic dropped to the floor as she turned and saw her wife leaning against the doorframe; leather jacket, high heels, and a wicked smirk.

“Hello, Sweetie,” River purred. The Doctor laughed nervously, causing River to frown and pull the jacket tight around her. Was she wrong thinking the Doctor still wanted her this way? Did she look ridiculous? She knew she wasn’t at her previous curvaceous best, but damn, she had thought she’d cut a pretty good figure; at least her hair was finally clean and poofed to perfection. “It’s too much!” She said, embarrassed for, perhaps the first time in her long life.

Finally, it clicked for the Doctor, River was every bit as nervous and discombobulated about both her newness and their situation as she was. “God, no!” The Doctor snorted, moving towards her, “It’s amazing! I mean,” she motioned at River, “how are you my wife? I mean you’re,” she couldn’t find the words to say ‘the most breathtaking thing I’ve ever seen’, instead shook her head in disbelief at her good fortune, “you’re you.”

River blushed uncharacteristically and stepped closer, pulling her wife to her by her braces, “You’re not so bad yourself, you know.”

The Doctor felt the heat of River’s body through her clothes. She swallowed as she felt River’s hands on her rear, “You like it then? Me? The body?”

“Oh yes,” River said, the desire evident in the huskiness of her voice, “very much so,” a hand wound it’s way into the Doctor’s hair as she found herself being maneuvered towards the bed and the Doctor noted her wife’s usual self-assuredness return, “I think I’ve made that very clear.”

The Doctor’s breath quickened as she found herself seated on the edge of the bed, River before her. She swallowed hard, “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

River tilted her wife’s chin up as she kneeled before her, “You’ve always known how to please me. Now, let me show you what you’ve been missing.”

* * *

“No wonder you’re always so loud,” the Doctor panted, trying to slow her breathing; River hadn’t been joking about missing out. The Doctor was shocked at how much more sensitive and reactive her new body was. How River could bring her to the brink of climax and over its edge time and time again. Not only that, but River’s own heated response to her moans and screams of pleasure, drove them both to the brink.

“You certainly made a fine accounting of yourself,” River laughed, catching her own breath, marveling at the gorgeous image her wife in sated repose was making. The glow of the afternoon sun painted the Doctor’s nude form in a suffuse gold, her eyes were closed, and as River’s fingers traced themselves along her collar bone, over her hearts, she smiled, and River knew she was as lost to this one as she had been to the others. She whispered the Doctor’s true name in reverence and kissed her again softly, before falling asleep, the double heartbeat of her Timelord a lullabye.


	8. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River and the Doctor deal with the "afterglow"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short chapter as it didn't really work as a beginning to the next longer one which is almost finished. Thanks for being patient!

River woke before her wife, feeling instantly ill. She slid silently, but quickly from the bed, not wanting to wake the Doctor and made her way to the W.C. She tried to be quiet, hoping the Doctor wouldn’t hear her being sick or the pathetic wimpers emanating from her. River had been in a state of recovery for almost a week; far too long for her own liking. Weakness made her angry, as did, come to think of it, most things. She was embarrassed by her weakness, by her needing the Doctor’s help; needing anyone’s help. She was ready to feel herself again, and for the Doctor to stop looking at her as if she might break. This clear bout of morning sickness wouldn’t help.  
She brushed her teeth,washed her face, and stared hard at her reflection as she caught it in the mirror: She had felt it when she woke, the thrum of regeneration energy, and it was coming from her. Humming in her veins; little sparks of golden light bringing change. Her reflected image was, if not wholly herself, certainly more so than she had been since her rescue; her breasts were fuller, her hips flared pleasingly, and there, what had previously been a flat, toned stomach, was now a small, but obviously pregnant belly.  


“Well, hello,” she said, giving the little mound a pat, “decided to make yourself known, eh?” She’d always wondered about Timelord procreation, prior to their non-messy form of genetic looms that is. “Getting a crash course I suppose,” she mumbled. River sighed and realized that she was in fact relieved that there was now visual proof beyond the Tardis’ scans that the tiny creature growing inside her did exist. She wondered just how much the Doctor knew about archaic Timelord pregnancies and hoped her wife wouldn’t panic. 

“Since when did I become the little spoon?” The Doctor grumbled, feeling River’s body against hers as her wife slipped back into bed.

River tucked the blonde’s hair behind her ear, “Well, you won’t be for long, the way this baby is growing. Just let me enjoy it sweetie.” 

The Doctor made a contented little sound and scooted back against her wife, feeling the telltale bump of River’s stomach against her spine; the Doctor’s eyes went wide and she tried to spin in her wife’s arms.

“Is that?” The Doctor questioned as River shushed her.

“Yes darling, it is,” she tightened her arms around the Doctor.

“Should it be,” the Doctor paused, “like that already?”

River chuckled, “No idea. I think, as has always been my rule of thumb, we should just go with it.”

“But,” the Doctor tried to sit up but River held her fast.

“Please,” River chided, “can we just enjoy this?”

The Doctor shut up, Be calm, be calm! She told herself, took a deep breath, and relaxed into River’s embrace. She could do this. They could do this.

“Ah, yeah,” she said, tucking her head under River’s chin, “this is nice. Should have made you the big spoon ages ago. No hair in the mouth,” she teased.

River laughed at the image of her trying to get her arms around any of the past re-generations in such a way, “No.”


	9. A Morning's Respite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River and the Doctor share some not so quiet time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I've been waiting to finish this chapter because I wanted to see where in the hell this last season was going, and now I have my answer and a direction for this story. Hope you guys like it!

The Doctor’s teeth were bared, her eyes round, and she was making a very concerted effort not to lose her own breakfast as her wife lost her’s. River groaned as her bout of morning sickness, which could apparently, as they both had learned, spring up at any moment, was seemingly over for the time being. “Not exactly the sexy breakfast in bed morning I’d aspired to,” River lamented, raising her head from the toilet and smiling wanly at her wife.

The Doctor squeezed her eyes shut tight at the frustration pooling between her thighs, the image of River as she’d been five minutes ago, glowing and naked atop her; her ample breasts heavy in the Doctor’s hands, groans of pleasure as she fastened her lips around one of River’s dusky nipples, burying a fist in swinging copper curls. The Doctor tried to calm her breathing, “It’s fine love, plenty of time for that,” she lied. Well, time, they had, but FUCK was she horny!

“No,” River said, “I’ve ruined it.”

“Not ruined,” the Doctor smiled, “postponed.” The two had been on Luna for two weeks of somewhat blissful calm. It wasn’t easy, the Doctor and River trying to settle into something they weren’t sure was for them, add to that, River being constantly on the verge of throwing up and or crying. But mostly, it had been late mornings wrapped in each other’s arms, holding hands and long walks, and laughter. River found herself constantly marveling and delighting in just how easy a smile came to this Doctor’s lips. The Doctor, for her part, was pleased to note the absence of the dark cloud that had seemed to have been a part of her wife since she’d been found. Yes, she knew at some point, she’d have to pull at the thread that was the puzzle of her wife’s escape from death; knew one day, she would have to push River to find the truth, and it may destroy what they were building, but the Doctor knew it wasn’t in her to let it go. After the first few days or so on Luna, River had seemed to come back to herself; always ready with a smirk or kiss, unless of course she was where she currently was, which was the floor of the loo, so, for the moment though, the Doctor was going to let that darkness be.

“Come on!” The Doctor said, heaving River off the cold tile, “You have to get ready anyway, you’ve got your appointment with the Dean, and you definitely have to brush those teeth!”

River’s lips quirked into a reluctant grin, then a laugh, as the Doctor swatted at her backside, “That’s my girl!”

“Woman,” River corrected teasingly, “I’m no one’s ‘girl’.”

“Lover?” The Doctor tried, brows raised, “Partner? Mate!” Her face scrunched, “No,” she mumbled.

River tugged the Doctor to her gently by the sash of her robe, “Wife,” she said softly, teasing the Doctor as her naked body pressed against hers.

There was no other decision to be made, “To hell with the Dean,” the Doctor said decisively, “brush your teeth and get back in that bed. I’m going to have my way with you, wife,” she winked and was rewarded with one of River’s wicked smirks.

River was all too eager to comply with her wife’s wishes and promptly found herself back on their bed, golden thighs splayed wide, the Doctor’s ever talented tongue sending jolts of pleasure coursing through her.

The Doctor raised her head and grinned, “Let’s see if we can wake the neighbors, eh?” Two fingers thrust into her, and River let loose a scream that did just that indeed; her body shuddering in release as the bedsheets were soaked beneath them.

River took a moment to enjoy the brief calm her release brought her, closed her eyes and let the warmth of the heated bed envelop her. “Mmm,” she moaned as the Doctor’s fingers ghosted over a tender breast, her lips capturing River’s in a hungry kiss. “Insatiable little minx,” River said, hands fisting in the Doctor’s hair, “who would have thought,” she teased.

A quick movement, and she was atop the doctor again, pinning her to the mattress, “Lucky for you, so am I.”

* * *

A Long Time Ago...

There wasn’t a bit of her that didn’t hurt, River realized as she came to. She ascertained that she was strapped down and naked, and neither was in a pleasant way. Where the hell was she? Her flesh avatar had been in The Library, if she herself had somehow survived, she should be on Lux’s ship. She kept her eyes closed and her breathing steady as two sets of footsteps approached, not wanting them to know she’d regained consciousness.

“She’s a mongrel at best,” a voice said.

“Failed experiment you mean. Should have been put down.”

Laughter, “Lucky for her it’s not our decision.”

“No,” the other two snapped to attention as a third voice, a woman’s voice, spoke, “it isn’t. If The Division wants to find out what she’s capable of, that’s what our job is. Understand?”

“Yes, Doctor,” the two other voices responded in unison.


	10. Red Sparrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tying more in from the series finale and trying to figure out where "Ruth Doctor" fits in with River's timeline.

River sat, head in hand, behind the massive antique desk at the university, a stack of essays waiting to be graded. She hadn’t been a professor in quite some time and she was beginning to think she was no longer suited to the task. Patience had never been an attribute of hers, and being pregnant wasn’t helping the matter. She was rolling her eyes at yet another pretentious essay title, trying to not think about all the times the Doctor had spread her across the desk, when the wheezing sound of the Tardis broke through the doldrums, “Oh, thank god!” She said, smiling and pushing away from the table. Her smile faltered as the Doctor emerged in a state of panic from the blue box.

The Doctor’s head was on a swivel, blonde hair flying as she checked her surroundings, freezing as her eyes alighted on her wife, “River! You all right?” Her breathing was still fast and her eyes continued to flick to the dark corners of the room.

“Darling,” River said, crossing the room and taking hold of the Doctor’s arm, “I’m fine. What’s happened?” She sniffed the air, “And why do you smell like explosives?”

The Doctor’s eyes were wide, “Nothing happened, totally fine, everyone’s fine. You’re good, the baby is fine, yes?” River nodded, “Good, ok,” she flopped down in a chair and ran her hands through her hair while River stared, mouth agape.

River steadied herself against the edge of the desk,a hand instinctively covering the ever growing mound of her belly, “Sweetheart, you’ve never been a good liar, and this time round you’re exceptionally terrible at it. What is going on?”

The Doctor huffed but finally met her wife’s gaze, “Not sure, haven’t worked all the pieces out yet,” she paused, hating to tell River anything that might upset her in her condition, but knowing she had no choice, “The Master, I don’t bloody know how he made it off that ship, but he’s here, or was here, on Earth, I mean. I chased him, River, I had him,” she shook her head, “think I had him. But, every time I do, he finds a way, doesn’t he?”

River was at her wife’s side again, an arm around her shoulders as the Doctor buried her face in her hands, “It’s Gallifrey,” the Doctor managed through tears, “he destroyed it. There’s nothing left.”

River knelt as best she could and wrapped her arms around her wife, her own eyes squeezed tight as her heart’s broke for her love’s loss. “I’m so sorry,” she said, brushing the hair from the Doctor’s eyes.

“River,” she was terrified even to ask, but, she knew if anyone had an idea, it would be her wife, “have you ever heard of something called the ‘Timeless Child’?”

* * *

A Long Time Ago… “I know you’re awake,” the woman’s voice said, “those other two idiots are gone.” River’s eyes flicked open and the woman staring over her smiled, “Green, they suit you; they were brown last time we met.”

“You’ve met me before then? I don’t remember you,” River said.

The woman raised a brow and smirked, “I’m sure there’s a great many things you don’t remember.” The woman was tall with a lethal, militaristic bearing, but there was something else there too, a certain playful wickedness that made River feel as though she were speaking to a kindred spirit.

“Who are you? Where am I?” River asked. She couldn’t say she was scared per se, merely fascinated by her current predicament.

“Right, from the top, again,” she sighed, “you’re in the Citadel on the planet Gallifrey. In a lab, specifically my lab. Interestingly, you didn’t ask who you are.”

“I know who I am.”

“Do you?”

“I’m River Song.”

The woman laughed, “Well, River Song, I’m the Doctor.”


	11. Flirting and Sparring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much what the title chapter implies.

“The Timeless Child?” River asked as she held the Doctor in her arms, “Where did you hear that?”

“The Master, he said everything we knew about Timelords was a lie, that it all had to do with The Timeless Child.”

River stood, pulling the Doctor along with her back into the Tardis. She went immediately to the controls, expertly piloting them.

“Where are we going?” The Doctor asked.

“Short hop. We’re here.”

“We’re home,” the Doctor said upon opening the door.

River sashayed past her, “More specifically, my study, darling,” she ran a hand over the shelves, stoping at a rack piled with neatly ordered papyrus. Her fingers flipped the wax seals that labeled them until she found the one she was looking for. “Here,” she said, gently laying a scroll on the battered desk. The Doctor reached towards the ancient text. “Ah!” River smacked at her wife’s outstretched hand, “Sorry, habit.” She smiled as she smoothed the papyrus. “Amarna Period, fourteenth century B.C.E.”

The Doctor huffed, “We have a time machine.”

“I’ve no bloody idea where the scroll came from, just when.”

“Where did you get it from?”

“Liberated it from Cleopatra.”

The Doctor rolled her eyes, “You and that woman.”

“Jealous?” River winked, “Anyways, as I was saying, I found it in the Queen’s private room of the Great Library. I think you can see why it caught my eye.”

The Doctor nodded, “Old High Gallifreyan,” she breathed.

“Well, you and I both know the ancient Egyptians weren’t human, so it isn’t entirely surprising to find something like Gallifreyan on something like this. It’s why I’ve never mentioned it. The scroll was more a curiosity than anything. But here,” she said, pointing to part of the text, “it mentions the Timeless Child.”

The Doctor bent closer, getting a better look at the faded text, “It says the Timelords are the seed of the Timeless Child.”

“I always just assumed it was a reference to Rassilon.”

“Maybe…” the Doctor mused.

“Maybe not?”

The Doctor groaned in annoyance, “We have to go to ancient Egypt, don’t we?”

River grinned, “Very ancient. I’m not sure I have anything for the correct period.”

“Wear the bloody jodhpurs,” the Doctor said, her breath quick.

River’s lips curled, “Isn’t that a bit on the nose?” She asked slyly. “Thought you hated archaeologists?”

“Not more than I like the sight of your rear in those trousers.”

River glanced over her shoulder and gave her backside an appreciative look, “Can’t blame you there sweetie,” her brows furrowed though as her hand brushed over her swollen belly; after the baby’s first growth spurt, she still was only barely showing, but had put on enough weight that finding anything in her closet that fit was becoming a challenge.

The Doctor noticed her wife’s look of concern, “If they don’t fit, we’ll buy you new ones. But I’ve always thought the tighter the better,” she said grinning.

River returned the smile, pulling the Doctor into an embrace, her hands locking behind her wife’s neck, “Look at you, fifteen minutes ago you showed up in a panic, and now, you’re flirting. I’m very proud of you.”

The Doctor blushed at the compliment, “Haven’t I always been like this?”

River guffawed, “God no.”

* * *

A Long Time Ago…

There was a sickening crunch as the Doctor’s boot connected with River’s rib, and she dropped to the mat. “You keep dropping that left guard,” came the Doctor’s voice from above her.

“I’m about to drop you,” River said, hauling herself back up into a fighting stance. The Doctor laughed and shook her head; she had to admit, this hybrid was proving to have more mettle than any pureblood Timelord she’d ever trained.

Above the sparring pair, two Timelords watched. “Why do you think she continues to fight?” It was obvious he was referring to River, she was standing, but favoring her injured left side, her lips were bruised and bloody, and her right eye was on the verge of swelling shut.

“Must be the stubborn human streak in her; they just, don’t stop,” the other Timelord said disdainfully.

“Rather admirable quality, I’ve always thought,” the Timelord said just as River sprang at the Doctor, her legs winding themselves around the Doctor’s neck, as she used her body weight to bring the other woman to the ground. “Inventive too,” the Timelord above spoke with an amused smile on his thin lips, “that move isn’t in one of our combat manuals. And she certainly didn’t learn it in church,” he said, referencing RIver's Papal Mainframe education.

Below, the Doctor found herself pinned on the ground, stunned, with a battered River Song above her. After a moment, the Doctor laughed, “Alright, I’d say that earned you an early break for today. Let’s get you healed. Only one more day before you’re deployed and you still have to be briefed.” The Doctor stood and offered River a hand; she took it gratefully, wincing in pain as she made it to her feet.

* * *

Later…

“Have you and I ever had a fling?” River asked the Doctor.

“No,” the Doctor responded flatly. The two women were sitting, eating in a small mess hall reserved for officers.

“Have I asked you that before?”

“Every time.”

“But you want to, right?”

The Doctor glared at her from across the metal table, “No.”

River grinned like the cat that ate the canary, “You’re lying.”

“I’m not lying. You’re not my type.”

“Think I’m exactly your type. Think that’s why you’re afraid to have any fun. I think you’re scared you might like me too much, and one day I’ll get out and never come back, and you might actually miss me.”

The Doctor rolled her eyes, trying to cover up the truth of River’s words reflected in them. The Doctor tried not to notice the curve of River’s full lips, or the way her tight training suit fit her just so, “I must have hit you harder than I thought. You sound crazy.”

River nodded, “Just like you like them.”

The Doctor let a snort of laughter slip, “I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

The two heads of The Division watched the two women on screen, “They’re too close.”

“We knew that was bound to happen didn’t we? It’s what the Silence created the hybrid for in the first place; to lure the fool in.” “You really think all our training, all our programming will stick? Her memory has been practically scrambled. It’s a wonder she’s as fully functioning as she is.”

“Are you talking about the Doctor now, or Agent Song?”

The Timelord snickered, “True, but really, do you think Song will be able to save the Doctor?”

“I think she’s the best chance the Doctor has. More than that is happenstance.”


	12. Oh, they're flirting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River and The Doctor fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short, apologies! Finally got back in the mood to start writing again.

“Lord,” River muttered at her reflection, “my ass is massive.”

“I keep telling you I like it that way!” Came her wife’s muffled shout from the Tardis’ console room.

River rolled her eyes, this one could hear every bloody thing! She grit her teeth and pulled at the buckle of the jodphurs, barely managing to hook them shut. A red rage threatened to spill forth from her as she threw a t-shirt on and a shoulder harness for her blaster, her hair piled atop her head. At least in her professorial garb she could still somewhat camouflage her condition, but there was no way to visit Egypt in a bloody jumper!

“Now that’s a look I could get used to!” The Doctor said as River joined her in the console room. Honestly, every extra inch on River’s already lush figure did nothing but make it harder for her to focus on anything other than her desire for her wife.

River glared at her, “I’m trying very hard not to hit you right now,” she said, tugging at the hem of her tank top, trying to cover the sliver of bare skin poking out above her waistline.

The Doctor shook her head, “I’ll never understand how you can’t see how incredibly sexy you are to me, no matter the state you’re in.”

“Give it a few more months, or days, who knows how this baby is growing,” River threw her hands up in exasperation, “and we’ll see what you say!”

“Probably the same thing I’m going to say now,” the Doctor flipped a switch and the Tardis’ groaned into action, “that if it weren’t for an escaped maniac and a possible Cyber army on the loose, I’d not let you out of our bed.”

River couldn’t help but smile, “Oh yeah?” She sidled up against her wife, pressing her against the console. The Doctor’s core clenched and she shuddered with need.

“Damn it, I should know better than to tease you,” she breathed; River’s mouth all she could see as she felt a hand skim over her hipbone.

River pulled away, “Yes, you should!” She pulled her blaster from its holster, gave it a check, shoving it back into place. “I hate when the end of the universe gets in the way of a good shagging.”

The Doctor stayed frozen for a moment, trying to settle the racing of her hearts.

“Grab that knapsack,” River pointed at a battered leather bag, “time to go see the other wife.”

“Great, yeah, this won’t be awkward at all, both of us showing together, married to the same woman.”

“Awkward for you, me, or Cleopatra?” She winked.

The Doctor bowed her head, hiding a smile; her wife, River, that was, was impossible, and in all the best, most infuriating ways. She motioned at the Tardis doors, “Lead the way.”


	13. The Other Wife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River Song, Cleopatra, and the Doctor, what could possibly go wrong? Or right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short because it's a good scene that will lead to more but life is crazy right now and who knows when I'll get to finish what should be a chapter.

Cleopatra’s dark, liquid eyes were glaring at her, River noted with some amusement; unlike every other being in the throne room, minus the doctor, of course, she was not the least bit afraid of the queen before her.

“You’ve betrayed me,” the Queen of Egypt stood on her dais, hands on hips, nostrils flared as she took in the obvious baby bump beneath River’s shirt.  
River didn’t miss a beat, nodding towards the twin toddlers at the foot of her wife’s throne; Antony’s, River knew. Cleopatra tossed her hair back over her shoulder, the gold adorning the braids of her wig clicking.

“You disappeared in a cloud of smoke and lightning. I was sure the gods had smote you for displeasing me,” she responded haughtily and River vaguely remembered their last fight; something to do with the accidental seduction of a foreign envoy.

The Doctor covered her mouth, attempting to conceal a snort of laughter. How many times had River done the same to her? Cleopatra’s eyes cut to the Doctor, “Does your servant wish for her death?” She asked River.

River sighed, “It’s an ongoing debate, I apologize. This one has yet to learn her place.” She turned her head, winking at the Doctor who pursed her lips and glared back.

“Dearest,” River simpered, approaching the queen, who was still trying to appear angered; she didn’t tell her guards to attack as River took her hand, her thumb grazing over her knuckles, her lips gently kissing them. Cleopatra rolled her eyes, sighed in exasperation; River had to admit, they were well matched. The woman infuriated and tempted her almost as much as the Doctor. “Perhaps,” River went on, “we can continue our argument in private?”

There was no doubt as to what River was offering, the Doctor, so accustomed to her wife’s innuendos felt the tension from where she stood, twenty feet away.  
Cleopatra’s lips turned up, the air around her changing, her guard dropping as her need rose. Her eyes flicked to the Doctor, “Your servant will join us,” she spoke, the command clear.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“You look well, wife,” Cleopatra said once they were ostensibly alone, “impending motherhood suits you.” She flopped, as much as Cleopatra was capable of flopping, down onto a Roman style sofa, reclining elegantly; motioning to a girl for wine.

River smiled but waved the girl off, “None for me,” she said, pacing her other wife’s bedchamber, “but my servant is definitely going to need one, or more.” She tried not to laugh as she caught the Doctor’s shocked face. River was rather hoping her wife would make her pay for it later; she hadn’t had a good spanking in quite some time. “I know you’re angry with me love.”

Cleopatra quaffed the wine, and River’s heart sank, she knew the course her wife was on, knew no good would come of her infatuation with Antony, knew where her stubbornness would lead her. This would be the last time they would meet, at least from Cleopatra’s point of view. River tried to bat the sadness away, she did in fact care deeply for this woman, and knowing how it would all end only made every moment they had spent together, all the sweeter. Her thoughts paused, wondering if that was how the doctor had felt about her all that time before.

“As you saw,” Cleopatra responded, “I’ve found other distractions.” The children. River would do what could be done for them, when the time came. “Clearly, as have you,” she continued, letting the tiniest bit of hurt come through in her voice. “It’s been years since I’ve seen you. Why are you truly here River Song?”  
The Doctor had been standing by, the proffered glass of wine forgotten in her hand as she leaned against a massive pillar, watching these two well matched creatures circle. She wondered if that was how the two of them looked together; the need, and hurt, and love they were each trying to hide, so evident. Maybe, she should drink.

“We need access to your library, your reading room.”

Cleopatra arched a brow, “We?” Her head turned to take in the Doctor, “This is what you’ve replaced me with?”

“You can’t be replaced,” River said, and the Doctor was shocked by the emotion in her wife’s words, “you know that. But yes, she is my companion.” River knelt awkwardly by Cleopatra, taking her hand once again, “I need your help, please.”

There were tears in the queen’s eyes, her hand brushed at the loose curls around River’s face, “And you shall always have it. But, let’s have no more of this talk tonight.” She shook her head, taking River’s face in her hands, “I have missed you wife.” She kissed her deeply, the Doctor watching as River kissed her back, “Tonight," Cleopatra said as she pulled back, "let me show you how much.”


End file.
